Random Things I Think About All the Time

I will freely admit that I'm always thinking about Olivia's food allergies.

I'll see a recipe in a food magazine and think "well, that's one more thing I can't make." Or I'll be watching a cooking show (as I do every night while I cook dinner) and the chef will be making something with hazelnuts, or peanuts, or pecans and before thinking "wow that looks amazing!" I'll think "Olivia will never get to eat that." Or I'll be checking out a menu at a local restaurant and the only words that pop out are "sesame," "hazelnut," "pecans", and the like.

Now that might sound all doom-and-gloom to you but it's the reality we deal with.

As of right this very moment Olivia can't eat a myriad of things including: pesto (pine nuts = tree nuts), pecan pie, Nutella, most candy bars including those "without" nuts because they're processed in the same facility as peanuts and/or tree nuts, a bagel from our local bagel spot (Barry Bagels), a Big Mac, a Quarter Pounder, a burger or anything else from Five Guys, some brands of pretzels, some types of crackers, pistachios, anything from Chick Fil A, hummus, Almond Milk (or Cashew Milk), M&Ms, Burger King, anything with peanut butter, sesame seeds, most break-and-bake cookies, peanuts, doughnuts and cookies from most bakeries, most chocolate chips, some cereals, regular bread crumbs, milkshakes from Steak 'n Shake, Cool Whip, McFlurries from McDonalds, frozen coffees from just about every coffee shop, almonds, walnuts, any tree nuts (the risk isn't worth it), anything processed in a facility that also processed peanuts and/or tree nuts, anything with sesame seeds....and the list goes on.

Trust me when I say the list of can't-eat items is MUCH longer but I decided to NOT add everything. But you get the idea, right? 

It's no wonder that I spend a lot of time thinking about Olivia's allergies.

I also think these random thoughts:

- I hope she never gets bullied at school for her food allergies. Kids (and adults) can be so mean and heartless. 

- What if someone tries to bully her with food? 

- Why does everything at school have to revolve around food? Since when did cupcakes become so freaking important?

- What happens when she starts dating? What if her boyfriend wants to kiss her but he just ate Nutella? Oh my gosh! She's going to be kissing boys! And they can't eat the food she's allergic too! 

-What happens when she goes out with her friends in high school and she has to carry her EpiPens? Will her friends be supportive of her and the food choices she has to make? 

- Oh crap. She's going to go to college someday. Will she be able to manage her food allergies?

- I just ate pecan pie at Thanksgiving dinner. Now I can't/won't give her a kiss goodnight. 

- We're on a plane. I hope no one eats anything that she's allergic too. Oh great, they're selling snack boxes full of things with tree nuts. 

- I hate nuts. 

- Crap. I ate a sesame seed bagel at lunch. I need to wash my hands. And brush my teeth. 

- Oh good. It's Halloween again. Time to trick-or-treat and get a bucket full of candy she can't eat. I hate holidays. 

- This is so unfair for Olivia. 

- OK. Time to create an Easter basket with no candy. 

- I sure hope the allergy tests are negative next time. 

- Maybe it's time to do a food challenge?

- Why her?

- Oh man. She wants to try crab legs at dinner. What if she's allergic to shellfish and we don't know it? Good thing the EpiPens are nearby. 

- I hate food allergies. 

- The waitress says she told the chef about Olivia's allergies. But what if she didn't? 

- Did the waiter/waitress REALLY write down the list of food allergies? 

- Oh shit! Olivia just opened a package of crackers that were covered in sesame seeds! Holy SHIT! Quick! Brush off the table. Get the crackers away! Wash her hands. (This actually DID happen a few weeks ago - we were at a new-to-us place in the Outer Banks and Olivia opened a package of crackers that had sesame seeds on top. I have NEVER seen someone drop something SO FAST. She recovered quickly. Me, not so much).

...and the list goes on and on. 

So you see...allergies are an everyday kind of thing.
We take the good with the bad.
There are small victories and big defeats.

Yesterday Olivia's dad took her to the ice cream shop up in Maberry and SURPRISE! they really DID have a bottle of Hersheys' chocolate syrup behind the counter. So my vanilla ice cream kid was able to skip the sprinkles and have chocolate syrup instead. She was VERY happy.

Which just goes to show: sometimes all it takes is some chocolate syrup on a bowl of vanilla ice cream and all is right with the world.

Life Isn't Fair.

There's something that's been nagging me all day. It's not anything earth-shattering but it's like an annoying buzzing noise that just won't go away.

So in order to make it stop, I figured a blog post was in order.

I was eating lunch the other day with a group of women (of varying ages) when Olivia's food allergies came up.

As we discussed what Olivia can and can't eat one woman at the table said at her grandson's school they ban ALL classroom treats because of the prevalence of food allergies.

I said I wished Olivia's old elementary school had done that when she was there because even though the classroom parties (Halloween and Christmas) were normally "safe" for her, every single time a kid brought in cupcakes or cookies for a birthday Olivia wasn't able to eat one and had to eat a Jolly Rancher instead.

And I said how unfair that was for her to be singled out because of her allergies.

And then someone at the table said "life isn't always fair."

Excuse me?

Life. Isn't. Always. Fair.

I had to (1) quickly change the topic so as to not lose my shit at the country club, and (2) pretend I didn't really hear those words in relation to food allergies and MY daughter.

Now, I have NO idea if the person was saying that like "man, that really sucks that Olivia wasn't able to participate" or if it was more like "sucks to be Olivia but she needs to learn that life isn't always fair."

I like to give most people the benefit of the doubt so I'm going to assume that the person who said that wasn't saying it to be mean and spiteful but was rather just a bit clueless when it comes to kids with food allergies.

Because let me tell you, we already know that life isn't always fair. There's nothing "fair" about food allergies.

Kids with food allergies learn early on what it's like to be "left out" and "singled out." They know what it's like to constantly hear "No, you can't eat that" and "No, we can't go there because it's not safe."

Recently on vacation in the Outer Banks we were dining out and Olivia had a tough time with the meal. We weren't able to order her favorite appetizer (calamari) because it was cooked in the same oil as coconut shrimp and we avoid coconut. That was the first "no" of the night. Then at dessert she had a meltdown when she really wanted the chocolate mousse but we weren't sure if it was safe.

Imagine for a moment crying over dessert. Doesn't sound like much fun, does it?

In the end the chocolate mousse was deemed "safe" and Olivia was able to enjoy it. But that doesn't normally happen.

So the next time you feel like telling a food allergy parent that "life isn't fair" you might want to rethink your choice of words.

Instead of thinking about how "fair" it is to bring cupcakes or cookies into a classroom (or how "unfair" it is to prohibit them) think about how you would feel if you were the ONLY PERSON in a group of your friends who couldn't eat the same thing everyone was eating. And imagine that the food you can't eat is something you LOVE.

Think about how you might feel singled out. And now imagine that you're a child in a classroom where everyone is eating a cupcake except you - you're eating a Rice Krispie treat or a piece of candy. And that's just NOT the same.

Life isn't fair.
But please don't feel the need to remind us of that.